


deus ex sandwich

by queenklu



Series: tumblr fillets [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-18
Updated: 2013-07-18
Packaged: 2017-12-20 13:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/887762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenklu/pseuds/queenklu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>genrenommer asked: Kirk/Spock/Uhura. Transporter malfunction bodyswapping leads to a threesome. </p>
<p>I will tell you right now, this did not lead to a threesome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	deus ex sandwich

"Hands. Off."

"What?" Kirk asks, and she has to give him credit, he is standing very, _very_ still in her body, hands clenched into fists at his sides. “I’m literally—I can’t do less than what I’m doing right now."

"Yes, but you were thinking about it."

He blushes. Uhura hasn’t seen herself blush in a long, long time. “I can’t help it! I’ve never had boobs before!"

"I’ve never had a dick but you don’t see me grabbing for it!" she snaps.

"It is incredibly disconcerting to see and hear profanities coming from my mouth," Spock says, one long line of rigid unhappiness in Kirk’s body. She’s never seen Kirk stand that straight. “Nyota, I would prefer it if you ceased that immediately."

Uhura presses her lips into a thin line. “Woah," Kirk says, “I had no idea your face could even move that way."

She glares at him.

"Come on," Kirk says, slowly relaxing—probably because he’s realized she can’t hit him without hitting herself. “I bet you want to give it a little grope. I’ll trade you!"

"As it would be my phallus she would be groping," Spock starts.

"—which I’ve already done—" she cuts in.

"Ah. Yes," Spock stammers, then clears his throat. “The trade would not be fair."

"Okay, so she can grope my phallus," Kirk says, rolling his eyes as he copies Spock’s terminology. “It’s over there," he offers, and points. “Come onnnn," he presses when neither of them move. “Spock already knows what it’s like to have your hand on his dick, it’s not like there’s going to be some huge difference."

"On the contrary, there would be several differences—including width, length, and humanoid blood flow."

"Differences we could measure in the name of science!"

"Captain," Uhura gets out through her teeth, “if you touch my breasts or any other private part of my anatomy I will murder you in your bed and make it look like an accident."

The sound of a sandwich hitting the floor is very loud.

"Sorry," Scotty says, “this seems to be a bad time."


End file.
